I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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