So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
