I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It was like giving head to a cactus.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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