They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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