All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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