if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
