He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
