Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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