Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
