Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
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Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
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I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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