I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
bring money and cleavage
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
