just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
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I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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