My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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