We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
