So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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