I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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