He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
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I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
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No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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