hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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