i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
vagina is talking i cant
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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