if you like me you must not know who I am
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
