You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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