I want to walk on stilts...naked
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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