I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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