used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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