I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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