You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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