Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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