I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
