I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
