Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We have so much sex to catch up on
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
