I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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