just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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