Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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