I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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