He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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