batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
