what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
