Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
