i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
How drunk are you?
Completed.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
