we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
