My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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