So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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