if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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