Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
