He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i think my cat just said my name.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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