I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
