i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
