I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
