So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
