True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
