I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
