I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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