used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So apparently I’m into choking now
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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