she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
