But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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