So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
