The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize